


For the Longest time

by fionarhiannon



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:19:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2489141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fionarhiannon/pseuds/fionarhiannon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you very publicly go through a break up with the love of your life?<br/>Can you ever return from it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short piece I had to get out of my head.  
> Maybe 2 or 3 chapters. 
> 
> Some angst, insecurities, getting the wrong idea and probably some smut somewhere. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Again I'm working g off my mobile so I apologise for any mistakes that are made - I blame autocorrect)

This was the trouble with being in a relationship with Tom Hiddleston. 

Everyone felt it their business to speculate on your relationship. To talk about you both, and guess that a simple holiday equaled an engagement. Or that you were secretly married because of one waiters' honest mistake. 

Even worse, was when they speculated on the end of your relationship - or even caused it. 

 

Tom had been working away for around 3 months when it happened. 

We had hardly seen each other due to his busy filming schedule. 

I missed him so much it sometimes hurt; it squeezed at my fragile heart, pumping doubt and reservations through my veins. 

I never doubted how much I loved him, but sometimes I wondered if he'd soon doubt us, and end things. 

I was lonely, and lonely people do crazy things. I didn't matter that I was fiercely proud of him, and glad that his peers recognised his talent and his worth in movies. 

I was selfish, and upset that it took time away from us. 

Skype sex was a turn on at first, but how many times can you continually get off in front of a camera and not miss the feel of his sweaty skin moving against yours? Not miss the feel of him filling you? 

The answer is not many - I missed that a lot.  But more than anything I missed his company. The way we teased each other, the way we laughed and talked. 

The flat was deadly quiet and I hated it. 

 

It was a Friday night when I decided to drag my sorry ass out.

I'd bumped into one of Tom's friends, Ben, by the apples in the supermarket. 

I wasn't a fantastic baker and had tried to busy myself by practising the perfect apple crumble for when he returned in one long, dragged out month. 

It was one of his favourite deserts and I was determined to make it spot on for him, with home made custard and all. 

 

Ben and I had wandered the supermarket together and talked about how we were. 

Ben was doing great, also very busy and on a rare visit home for 4 short days. 

I wished Tom could have just one day at home right now, and angrily threw an ingredient into my shopping basket. 

"Where's Tom?" He asked, adding to my chagrin.  

"America. Working his ass off." 

Ben noticed my obvious distaste in the way I responded. 

"You miss him," he observed 

"No shit, Sherlock," I responded. It took a moment before we both dissolved into giggles when I realised what I had done. 

"Come out with me tonight," he offered. 

"Gee, a pity date. How could I resist?!" 

Ben smirked at my sarcastic responses. 

"Isn't a pity date better than no date?" He countered, challenging me. 

I looked up, and smiled. 

"What is it? A friends thing or a friends thing surrounded by people I don't know and several flashing cameras?" 

He grimaced. 

"Ah. The latter."

 I sighed, and nodded my head. "Pity date it is." 

 

Ben had picked me up at 6.30 and swiftly accompanied me to the grand event. 

I hung around in the back with nobody in particular, watching Ben work the fans and the press. 

I may have hated these kind of events, but I always found them interesting, in some form or another. 

Watching Ben, I smiled, remembering my first carpet event with Tom. I was so scared that something was going to go wrong. 

Of course, he saw to it that I still had an amazing time and nothing went wrong, and we went home and had amazing, mind blowing sex. 

Tom and I always had mind blowing sex... 

 

"You ok?" Ben whispered, bending down slightly and leaning into my ear to whisper. His hand was placed on my lower back, somewhat protectively. I nodded my head and grinned. "I'm starving though, please tell me there's food?" I begged. 

Ben laughed. "And free alcohol." 

My eyes widened with my smile. "Oh you do know how to please me!" I exclaimed, taking his hand and allowing him to lead me inside. 

 

Little did I know, that's when the first photos were taken. 

That's where the rumours had sparked from. 

 

The evening passed pleasantly, and we hit the after party hard, alcohol playing a huge part in our extravagant dancing. 

Tom loved to dance

By the time we stumbled out of the bar, giggling, laughing and clinging to each other, we had no idea what we had started. 

Even as I checked my phone on the way home and found 6 missed calls from Luke, and 1 from Tom. 

Naturally I tried calling Tom back, knowing our time zones were different and that he was probably still awake. 

It went straight to voice mail.  

 

I cursed that I had missed his call and that he would probably now be on set until the wee hours of the morning. 

Looking at the time, I decided to leave Luke's call until the morning when I was more able to take it and actually understand what he was saying - for somebody who seemed so quiet, he couldn't half talk fast. 

 

It was the small hours of the morning when Ben accompanied me into the flat, kicked off his shoes, took of his jacket and loosened his bow tie. 

It was the last thing I remembered, despite offering him a night cap, before I fell asleep when my head hit the couch cushion. 

 

Even though I had promptly passed out, my sleep was disturbed by nightmares - my missed call from Luke, to be precise. 

In my nightmare, Luke was trying to tell me there had been some horrible accident and Tom was involved. 

I awoke suddenly, and rushed around to find my phone. 

When I did, I had a further 3 missed calls from Luke. 

Panicking, I quickly tried to call Tom, but got his voice mail again. 

Baby, please. Call me. I need to talk to you

I left my message quickly and ended the call. 

My head felt so fuzzy, but not too bad considering. 

I dashed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water as I dialed Luke's number. 

"Oh do you do know how to answer the phone, I was beginning to think..." was his sarcastic greeting. I interrupted him desperately.

"Is Tom ok?" 

"I don't know, I was going to ask you." 

I frowned. "What?" 

"I thought he'd be there by now. He won't talk to me, of course. You know what he's like when he's in one of his moods." 

I was still confused. "Moods? What are you on about? Did something happen?" 

Now I knew Tom wasn't dying in some hospital far away from me, I started to worry something had happened on the project. 

"That's the million dollar question. Did anything happen? I hope there's an explanation for this because I have very angry people on the phone, and..." 

"LUKE!" I screamed into the phone, frustrated. 

"Yeah, much like that. Listen, I like you. But you know Tom is also my friend. I'm not saying I'll take sides but..." 

"Luke seriously, if you don't explain this to me without the god damn riddles..." 

Now he interrupted me. "You don't know what I'm talking about?" 

"Does it seem like I do?" 

I heard him sigh. "Oh man. This is going to be messy. 

Last night, you went out with Benedict, yes?" 

I nodded my head, even though he couldn't see me. He must have sensed it because he continued. 

"Well the press are very good with photos. They sent some to Tom and... its this one reporter. She called Tom up. God knows how she got his number but.. anyway, she told Tom that she heard you say that Benedict knows how to please you." 

I massaged my temples. This was like High school, and my worst nightmare rolled into one. 

"And then she sent him some photos of you both. 

The last thing they mentioned was Ben going into the flat and not leaving." 

I stumbled across the flat, my bare feet padding against the wood floor as I made my way to the window. 

Pulling down one slat of the blinds, I looked across the road. There were 4 people just stood there, their cameras at the ready. 

"Oh god no..." I groaned, banging my head against the wall. 

"Yeah. It's all over the Internet,  every damn rag is running it. I can only do so much sweetie. Speaking of which, I'll need some kind of statement from you. I just hope they don't get to Tom while he's like this..." 

I didn't hear what Luke said after that. 

My mind was spinning and twisting like the wind in a violent storm, and I felt sick. 

I quickly ran to Tom's study room and fired up his mac. 

One tiny search of Tom's name into Google opened up a world of horror. Pages of 'news' of the betrayal from me and Benedict. To me, the photos looked innocent. But with the story the spun... It was no wonder there was an uproar of sorts. 

Tears were already streaming down my cheeks before I found the worst photos of all. 

Tom, rushing through and airport, his eyes red, his expression that of thunder. 

"Oh god... Luke! " 

I still had no idea what he'd been saying, but he stopped when I shouted. "You said you were surprised Tom wasn't here yet." 

"Yeah, his flight got in a while ago." 

"Fuck!" I screamed, ending the call and dropping the phone, dashing out to the living room. 

 

Benedict had slept through the whole damn thing, and was on the sofa in just his underwear, snoring away. 

In any other situation, I'd make so much fun out of him for snoring. 

Now I just wanted to cry harder than I was already. 

 

I looked down at my own attire, my little silk dressing gown Tom had gotten me while he was away doing promo for Thor last year. 

I couldn't even remember getting changed. 

All I knew was that this wouldn't look good, especially with our clothes strewn around the room. 

 

But fear had never filled me so much as it did in that moment. 

I heard a key in the door, the lock turn, and the door clicked open. 

 

And there he stood, his eyes red and puffy, his face the picture of disappointment. 

He took a moment to look around and study the surroundings. 

There was a photo I hadn't noticed that had been knocked off the lamp table - Tom and I on the beach, cocktails in hand, smiles on faces as we celebrated our 2 year anniversary in June

He moved slowly, dumping his bag and keys down on the floor before picking the broken frame up. 

He placed it, still fractured, back on the lamp table and switched the light out we'd left on from the night before. 

 

I couldn't move, paralysed with fear as he made his way over to the couch. 

Benedict was stirring now, and came round enough to see Tom approaching him. 

"Hey mate! We weren't expecting you back!" Ben croaked. 

Tom stopped in his tracks, and blinked slowly, more tears falling. 

"Mate?" He repeated in a horse whisper. "You have the gall to call ME, mate?!" 

Ben looked just as confused. 

"Get out of my fucking flat and take HER with you!" Tom now shouted. 

Benedict looked to where Tom pointed - directly at me - and watched as I sobbed and shook. 

That was when it dawned on him. 

"No... you've got the wrong idea." 

He was holding his hands up, begging Tom to consider what he was saying. 

"I swear to you..." 

Toms laugh lacked the humour I loved so much. 

"Do you really? Well guess what? I don't fucking care. Get. Out. Now." 

 

Benedict sighed, and grabbed his trousers from the floor. 

He stood, raising him to Tom's height, and fastened the buckle around his waist. 

He stay to dress himself anymore, rather, he gathered up his clothes and left quietly. 

"Go on. Off you go with lover boy," Tom spat.

It scared me, seeing him like this - I wasn't trying to say he never lost his temper, just that he never lost his temper like this. 

It scared me to see Tom not willing to listen to reason or give someone a chance to explain. 

"Tom... Please, " I begged tearfully, finally finding my voice. 

"I said get out!!" He screamed one final time before stomping off to the kitchen

 I followed him, tears streaming down my cheeks. 

"No," I sniffed, filling the kitchen door. "Not until you listen to me." 

 

He turned his head to glance at me before nodding. 

"All right then." 

I sighed in relief and tried to gather my thoughts, clear my throat. 

I noticed he was on his phone. 

"Luke. Can you come.and get this..." For a brief moment I saw weakness within him - he still couldn't bring himself to degrade me with a dirty name, and it actually gave me hope - hope that Tom was just angry. Right now, he was just reacting. 

"Get her out of my flat Luke. Now." And he ended the call. 

 

He collapsed against the counter, his phone falling to the floor as a sob escaped him. 

It literally hurt me to see him so upset, but I clung to that wavering moment. 

"Tom..." I whispered into the cold room. 

"If you want to be alone, ill give you that space. I don't want to leave, but I will if that's what you want. 

Just... Please.  Let me explain. When you're ready, let me explain." 

 

He didn't say a word as I left the kitchen or moved around packing a night bag. 

I resented doing it, as if I really was giving up. But I knew Tom - I knew he needed this time to process. 

He didn't even look at me as I left the flat with Luke, tears still staining my cheeks


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! 
> 
> More angst, so much so I was starting to worry I was re - writing the Twilight saga New Moon... 
> 
> Hm. 
> 
> Anyway. I still hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (Again I apologise, this is coming from my mobile and mistakes can be terrible!)

Of course everyone reported we had broken up, even though neither of us had said those words. 

Tom was seen storming into the flat, Benedict left moments later and then I left, carrying a bag and a heavy heart. 

It didn't look good. 

 

Four days had passed since I'd spoken to or seen Tom. 

Luke had let me stay at his flat for the first night, but I didn't want to impose or upset Tom further, and so quickly moved into a hotel. 

Ben had been in touch twice - first to apologise, and second to see if Tom had been in touch. 

"I've not heard a thing," I mumbled. 

My throat was sore and my eyes dry - I couldn't possibly cry anymore. 

"I really am sorry. I don't know what's up with him." 

Ben and I had gone over this during the first phone call - we couldn't understand why Tom had suddenly paid attention to what the press were saying rather than what we were saying. 

"Something must have been wrong." 

There was a pause. 

"How do you mean?" 

I sighed. "I don't think he was happy. I... I think he wanted an excuse to end it." 

"No! No way! I spoke to Tom just 4 weeks ago about some work and he couldn't stop talking about you. Besides, Tom wouldn't do that." 

"Then explain it, Ben! Because I'm drawing a huge blank here. It's too... out of character. Somethings wrong." 

 

I couldn't shake that feeling. It was dragging me down, and I felt despair at the situation. 

If i missed Tom before, I certainly missed him now. 

Aimlessly flicking through the TV channels, I noticed my reflection in the long mirror opposite me. 

God I looked pathetic. 

Standing up, I flicked the TV off, opened the curtains, and quickly made the bed. 

I cleared up my room service and headed to the bathroom, turning on the shower. 

Peeling off my pyjamas, I allowed the water to heat up and was just about to step inside when I heard a knock at my door. 

Grabbing a towel, I covered myself haphazardly and flung the door open, praying I'd see Tom. 

Luke stood there, grinning away and holding out a Starbucks.  

I sighed, dropping my hand from the door and turning around, motioning for him to follow. 

"Oh wait, I better get changed before I'm accused of sleeping with you too." 

Luke smirked. "Darling, your not my type." 

"Keep telling yourself that, babe," I grinned, grabbing my dressing gown and wrapping up in it. 

Luke had perched on the end of the bed and so I took the arm chair opposite. 

"It's good your making jokes," he offered. 

"You know - your like the kid who unwillingly has to pass messages between bitter parents. How is Daddy these days?" 

 

I wasn't sure I really wanted to know. Well I did... I wasn't sure. 

I was scared,  more than anything, that Tom would be doing just fine without me. 

Luke sighed. "He's um... god, I really am the kid in the awkward position." 

I couldn't help but smirk. 

"I swear to god if he finds out... He's not good. He's really not good. 

But - I have managed to convince him to go back. We managed to talk round him only going back for three weeks to finish the job." 

This all took me by surprise. 

I felt awful that my first reaction was actually joy he wasn't happy without me. 

But then... "he's back over there?" 

Luke looked down at his lap as he nodded. 

I quickly batted away the tear that slipped down my cheek. 

How on earth was I supposed to talk to him now? 

"Just... give him these three weeks. Let him concentrate,  get the job done. And then we can both sabotage his return.." 

He looked up at me now and noticed the tears, the way I shook my head

 "Hey! Ssh,  no! Don't cry! Come here," he soothed, kneeling in front of me and wrapping his arms around me. 

"What if he doesn't want me anymore?" I asked into his shoulder. 

"What if... what he meets somebody when he's over there, or, or he just decides he can't even stand to be around me? I mean, I know they say, I mean they do, don't they?  They say if you live them, let them go. But I can't,  Luke.  I can't let him go." 

 

I knew my ramblings probably matched those of some crazy, obsessive girlfriend or whatever,  but I had endured enough heartache in my life. Tom had fixed all that. If i lost him too... 

 

Luke had pulled back now, and was holding me at arms length, making me look at him. 

"I told you,  I like you. So, here it goes. 

Tom won't do that. I know he's hurt right now, but he will not cut you out. 

And he definitely won't meet anybody else! 

You think Tom saved you? You saved him. From what, i'm not even sure. He had some - demon.  Some insecurity, I dunno." 

He was shaking his head as I watched him intently. 

"This whole thing has kinda tapped into that. That's why he's so hurt. 

But I honestly don't think Tom will just cut you out. 

Let's just wait. Give him his time." 

 

I agreed. But waiting, seemed like the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and the kudos!  
> I'm glad you're enjoying this and I appreciate it! 
> 
> So here's the third chapter - the beginning of the end!

Another week passed with me somewhat resembling the human form, as I tried to get on with work. 

The gossip rags had appeared to have stopped talking about us, which was a small mercy, and Luke put to bed the idea that we had actually split up by saying we were talking and that Tom was just busy with filming. 

 

But I still couldn't rest away that gut feeling that Tom would return and tell me it was over. 

I knew he didn't want me in the flat and so I'd stayed away, managing on what little id taken away with me. It seemed crazy, given that he wasn't even there at the moment, and just added further fuel to the fire of rejection. 

Effectively, Tom had kicked me out, and that only proved to me he was going to end it. 

 

I knew I shouldn't mope around after a man and that my behaviour looked odd, but I loved him so much - what would I do now? 

Would I ever smile or laugh in the same way? 

Would I ever love again? 

I didn't think so - I couldn't see how. How did one settle, knowing that whomever came next would only be second best to him? 

I would always love Tom. I knew it. 

 

I was retrieved from my solemn thoughts by a paper ball hitting me square on the forehead. 

"Your so depressed it makes me want to hang myself," my colleague, Tara, complained.  

I gave her the middle finger. 

"Do we still go by that 'don't date your friends' ex' rule, or is that just for teenagers?" 

I slipped a second finger up. "That doesn't help." 

"Too early for jokes? OK.  I'll settle on giving advice then. 

I've been out with you and Tom just a handful of times." 

I nodded, and waited for her to continue whilst I lazily spun my highlighter around the table. 

"But every single time, he's looked at you like you're everything he rotates around - you're his gravity. 

You keep him grounded. You keep him sane in the mad old game of fame... see what I did there?" She smirked. 

I had to admit, it was kind of funny and a lazy, lopsided grin appeared. 

"He loves you. So do you know what you do now? 

You get yourself sorted and you show him exactly what he's missing. 

I like the guy, but my god he's being an idiot. Letting you go? Pft. Total wanker." 

I shook my head. 

"So your advice to me is to get dressed up, go out?" 

She nodded. 

"And show him i'm doing exactly what got me to this position in the first place?" 

She paused, words on the tip of her tongue, before sighing. 

"OK,  I didn't think it through... wait! Why not just fly out there! Some big, romantic gesture. Make him listen to you!" 

I raised an eyebrow skeptically.  

"Kidnap him and force him to listen. 

Not sure plan b would work either." 

 

Turning in her chair, Tara huffed. 

"You were much more fun when it was just plain old 'I miss him and i'm going to pine over him' "

I smirked again. 

"If i depress you too much, just send me the therapy bill. 

Besides, I already thought of plan b - can't get the time off work. Apparently relationship crisis' aren't a good enough reason for emergency time off, and I kinda really need this job." 

"Well that just sucks. 

Hey, is Ben actually single or..." 

My head shot up and I glared at her darkly. 

"Not appropriate either? Noted." 

Turning away, she started punching letters on her keyboard, but I still couldn't help but smile a little. "Thanks," I whispered, knowing she was only try to cheer me up. 

She didn't have to look at me for me to know she was smiling. 

 

When I got back to the hotel room that night, Luke was waiting for me with a bottle of wine. Very fine wine, judging by the label. 

"My spidey senses are tingling... what's up?" 

He popped the cork and poured me a glass as I discarded my coat. 

"Just... don't flip out, ok? And please don't cry on me like that again... you almost ruined a perfectly good shirt." 

I hit his shoulder playfully with one hand whilst accepting the glass with another. "Pansy, " I muttered, going to sit down. 

Luke thought carefully how to approach me. "There are some new photos online." 

"Of me and Ben? What can they possibly spin now?!" I wondered before taking a sip. 

It was very fine wine indeed - the news must be bad. 

"No, of Tom." 

My heart dropped to the dull dark pit of my stomach. 

"With another woman?" 

He slowly nodded and I felt my world crash down around me. 

 

So he was over me. I had lost him forever. It didn't matter if she was just a rebound, if he had gone with someone else then he was done with me and him. 

I felt the tears well up as Luke continued. 

"It's his co-star.  They were taking the hotel lift together, and he's wrapped around her pretty tight." 

He was grimacing as he said those words, the words that caused me so much pain. 

"Way to push the knife in deeper," I muttered.  

"The internet is a storm of stories again. They're now claiming Tom has been close with her since casting and the first pre production meeting. Apparently you knew, and so you 'revenge cheated'" Luke kindly air quoted for me, "to piss him off. Now they think you've split up and they're shacking up. I can release another statement, but I can't get hold of Tom at all and after my last one looks like a lie now, it'll fall on deaf ears as a cover up." 

I shook my head, telling him not to bother as the tears fell. 

He didn't say anymore, just came over and hugged me tightly. 

"I swear I didn't cheat on him Luke. I love him. I love him." 

I felt him nod against my head. 

"I love him," I whispered again into Luke's chest, heartbreak engulfing me within its rotten chains and bounding me to it, stinging me with his misery and regret. 

 

Luke had stayed with me that night getting me suitably drunk. I suppose his aim was to try and help me forget, but i ended up talking about Tom and reminiscing. 

It really did look pathetic. 

Somewhere around 10 pm my everlasting sadness turned to anger - how could he get over me so easily? I surmised that I obviously didn't mean as much to him as he did me, and thus he wasn't as cut up about it. 

Luke scolded me for this, but did agree Tom was acting very oddly. 

In conclusion, as Luke strangely tucked me into bed and in between me fussing over how safe he'd be getting home, we agreed I should probably collect my things while Tom was still away and start looking for another place. 

"I'm genuinely sorry this happened. I really did love you two together." 

"Me too," I sighed, turning on my side and hugging my pillow. "Guess we were the only ones though." 

 

Sitting at my desk, I popped two pills from their foil pack and swallowed them greedily with some water. 

I didn't think it was entirely the alcohols fault I headache, just more than I was stressing out. 

That morning I had sent Tom a text message telling him I'd pop into the flat after work and clear out my stuff (since he obviously didn't want me there anymore.) 

I admit, I was hoping it would force him to talk to me - surely we had household items to sort out? It may have been his place to begin with, but when I moved in I made it a home. There were things we had brought together to use together. 

What on earth did we do with that stuff? 

But it was well into the afternoon now, and I'd not heard anything. 

 

I was just beginning to accept the fact I really would have to go round and clear out - Luke promised to help me, and Tara said she'd be on hand afterwards to pick me up from the depression I was sure to slip into, when my text notification rang out. 

I dropped the stapler I was having no luck reloading, and opened the message

 

My heart beat faster when I saw Toms name.

> i'm already home. My flight got in last night. <

I stared at the screen, unsure how to proceed. He was home, and he didn't tell me?

> oh. Sorry. I guess I'll just... send Luke round or something.<

My fingers hovered, debating on if to add more at the end. 'Glad you had a safe flight' 'How are you?' Nothing seemed right and so I sent it as it was.

> I had you down as a lot of things. But quitting wasn't one of them <

I stared at his new reply, trying to work it out. Within it, I could see his teasing again I could imagine his smirk as he typed it. It was reminiscent of the time we were at an awards show. Tom had looked absolutely stunning, as always, and had been teasing me non-stop on the carpet. When we got inside, he begged me to check my phone. I couldn't for the life of me think why - we were at an awards show! I shouldn't be sat there playing on my damn phone! But when I did check, I saw exactly why.

3 text messages, all off Tom, teasing me with his dirty suggestions. God, it had turned me on so much, we escaped as quickly as we could and fucked each other senseless in the flipping disabled toilet block. It was that smile upon remembering those good times that made me stand up. That made me leave, despite knowing id probably get fired.

"I'll cover for you!" Tara shouted with a huge grin as I ran from the office, my bag flung loosely over my shoulder.

 

Outside, on the bustling London street, I hailed a cab and gave him our address. OUR address. Tom was right - I was never a quitter. Well, apart from the time I gave up smoking, but that was clearly in a different league. I fought for everything I had in my life now, without help from anybody. So why the hell wasn't I fighting harder for Tom, when he meant the most to me?

Traffic felt hellish as we crawled through the streets. Knowing the apartment was only a few roads away, I paid the fare and jumped out at a red light, finishing my journey by foot. When I got there, panting heavily as only someone as unfit as me would, I was pleased to discover the key still worked, and so I let myself in.

And there he stood, looking more beautiful than my memory would have me believe. He was standing bare foot against the door frame to the kitchen clutching two mugs; he was wearing loose fitted stone coloured cotton joggers, and his ridiculous, though very gorgeous, threadbare tshirt that was stupidly see through. His hair was a floppy, fluffy mess atop his head and had grown since I last saw him (on good terms anyway) And his face... that handsome face of his, covered in 3 days worth of gingery stubble and an unsure expression. I stood at the front door, gasping for air and just staring at him.

"I figured you'd be out of breath. I made you tea." His voice was gravelly, as though he too had been crying or something.

I shut the door and dropped my bag to the side where I always did when I returned home from work - I hoped to send a message to Tom by doing this. I took the tea from him and followed him to the sofa where we sat on opposite ends facing each other. He looked down at the sofa as he took a deep breath through the nose, at exactly the place where Benedict had been, and looked back up to me.

"I'm ready to talk," he told me on the shakey wave of his exhale.

I licked my lips. "Where do you want me to start?" I couldn't be fast with this. I had to be calm, and it took much strength to do so when I pictured myself falling before him on my knees and begging him to believe me. This would be much more dignified.

"Why were you with him that night?" I felt a terrible pang of guilt that he couldn't even say Bens name; they'd been friends for double the amount of time I had known them both, and I hated that I'd caused this fracture in their friendship.

"I bumped into him while I was shopping... We were talking about you, his work. He knew I felt lonely, so he offered me a pity date to this event." Tom didn't move. He didn't even blink (that I saw anyway).

"Why did you... say he knew how to please you?" Tom asked after a moment.

I smiled at the memory as I retold it. "I said I was hungry and warned there better be free food - he promised me there was, and alcohol too."

His face didn't betray it, but I could see the amusement in Tom's eyes - he knew that was very much like me.

"Why did he come in and not leave?"

"I honestly don't remember much - I knew we were at some kind of after party together - I was teasing him, saying I could lead him round the dance floor better - but I remember offering him a drink for seeing me home safe. It's the last thing I remember."

Tom waited a moment before asking another question. "So you don't know how you got undressed?" I shook my head. "So how do you know you didn't kiss? How do you know you didn't sleep together? If you can't really remember how you even got home, how can I trust what you say at all?" And there it was - not only was the age old trust issue saying hello, but the real reason he was upset - the possibility. I knew then that Tom didn't really believe we had done anything, but somebody had whispered words of doubt and now they were playing on repeat in his over active mind. Doubt was his downfall.

Tom was a trusting and kind person by nature, and upon meeting his family, you'd understand why. But not too long before meeting me, he'd had his heart shattered and his trust broken by someone he considered special. It took a long time for Tom and I to get close, and then that time again for him to trust me enough to really put effort into our relationship. It was around that time that we moved in together.

"Tom," I whispered, and I noticed the way his eyelids fluttered and tears filled his blue orbs. "I know we didn't do anything. Yes, some of the details are hazy, but I remember enough to know Ben and I didn't even touch each other once we were inside. I got changed, he did a version of getting changed, and we fell asleep. I would never even entertain the idea."

His expression softened to vulnerability. "You said you were lonely," he croaked. I wanted to move forward, to take him in my arms, but when I did, he flinched away.

"I was. But not so lonely that I'd even consider that an option. I don't make it a secret that I miss you terribly when your away, Tom. But I don't cheat either. I'm committed to you, and if that means I have to wait 5 months or whatever to hold you again... to make love to you again, then so be it." When he blinked, a tear rolled down his tired face.

"I believe you," he sniffed, wringing his hands together. A heavy sigh fell from me.

"I didn't do anything either," he added. I looked up. "I know what they're saying about me and her. But it's not how it was." Tom laughed then, but it wasn't his usual laugh. "I guess it was kind of the same. I was upset, I drank too much at the wrap party and she helped me back. Those photos... they're nothing. She went one way, I went the other."

I was grateful for this explanation - it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. "Thank god!" I breathed. This smile he graced me with was genuine. "So - where do we go from here?" I asked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK do here we go - the resolution! 
> 
> I may actually return to this at some point, I'm not too sure. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments and the kudos - I really appreciate it!

I smiled as I snuggled closer into his side. 

God I had missed him so much. 

The feel of his arms wrapped around me. My fingers toying with his chest hair. 

The smell of his cologne still on his skin. 

His fingers dancing across my back lazily. 

 

We had talked things through and overcome our anger and upset. 

It was probably the most honest we had been with each other in quite some time, and it did us the world of good. 

 

He told me about work and how excited he was for this film. 

We laughed, cooked dinner, and then danced - we were home. 

 

Now we were lying on the couch together with full bellies watching TV in each others arms. 

I couldn't have been happier. 

"At least Luke doesn't have to kick my ass now," Tom said as he stretched out a little. 

I laughed. "What for?" 

"Fucking up the shoot - and fucking up with you." 

I shifted back slightly so I could look up to him. 

"Funny. Luke told me if he had to pick sides,  he'd pick you." 

Tom kissed my forehead. "He lied. He loves 'mummy' too much." 

I laughed loudly. "Poor kid. Maybe we should get him a treat." 

Tom grinned. "Maybe, but first, i'm thinking... desert," he murmured, wiggling his eyebrows. 

I knew exactly what he meant, but it reminded me of something, and I jumped up quickly. 

"Ten minutes..." I told him as I retrieved my bag and slipped into the kitchen. 

 

Tara told me it was the kind of thing a stalker ex - girlfriend would do - go in while he was at work and leave his favourite desert for him. 

I argued it was my final kind gesture to our years together. 

She still didn't agree but now I was glad I had brought it with me. 

 

Grabbing the milk pan, I put the custard on and busied myself cutting him a slice. 

"I wouldn't mind a cuppa while you're up babe!" He shouted out. 

Smirking, I flicked the kettle on and made him a brew. 

When the custard was finally ready, I plated up and took it all through on a tray. 

"What's this?" He asked as I placed it on the coffee table. 

"When I bumped into Ben I was buying apples... I've been practising for... well, basically since you've been away - to make you the perfect apple crumble from scratch. Voila." 

He smiled warmly as he took the bowl and spoon. "Thank you darling."

I sat next to him and poured custard on my own before handing him some, and we tucked in. 

His moans were encouraging. 

"Oh god," he mumbled around a mouthful. "This so good baby. I'm really glad we didn't break up," he grinned, a small chunk of apple falling to his bottom lip as I playfully hit his arm.

His tongue caught it quickly and he smirked with goofy pride at his save. 

I laughed lightly. "It's good then?" 

"The best!" He responded through another mouthful. 

 

When our bowls were clean, we headed for the bedroom. 

 

There, in the comfort of our own sheets in our warm home, Tom made love to me. 

It began when we started to undress; Tom moved to stand behind me, pulling my top over my head and dropping it to the floor. 

I could feel his soft hand gently follow the curve of my spine, and then unclasping my bra. 

It dropped to the floor beneath me and pink rosy buds instantly pebbled at his touch. Slowly, his hands ghosted round to cup my breasts, kneading them gently. 

My head rolled back upon his shoulder and I let out a low moan. 

"I've missed you so much darling," he whispered into my ear before taking it between his teeth. 

I could feel him pressing into my back, hard and waiting - begging for my touch.  

Reaching behind myself, I slipped my hand inside in joggers.

"I've missed you too," I told him, stroking him the best I could in the confines of his tight underwear. 

A groan rumbled within him, and I turned to face him, pulling his tshirt over his head and placing my hands flat against his bare chest

 "You've lost weight," I playfully chided. 

"Make me more of that crumble and it'll be back on in no time," he told me, his hands now running over my hips. 

"Mmmm, we'll see," I returned, leaning forward to lick down his chest before dropping to my knees. 

Pulling down the garments that stood between me and what I wanted so badly right now, he left them to pool at his ankles and sat down on the bed. 

I wanted to go slow, to savour the moment. 

But I wanted him so badly. 

I licked the tip of his swollen head, swirled my tongue around it, teasing him with my mouth before taking him fully. 

I sucked and swirled and licked and hummed and repeated. 

His hand found my hair and he curled his fist within it, moaning and bucking his hips. 

It had been so long for both of us. 

Too soon, he stopped me, arguing that this wasn't how he wanted to come. 

Leaning forward, his head bent close to my face, he promised me it would only happen when he inside me, and a shiver of anticipation rippled through me. 

Cupping my cheek, his soft lips found me and embraced them with a tender kiss. Those lips left mine with a small protest, but travelled along my jaw and neck. 

As he did this, we stood again, and I couldn't help but chuckle as he struggled to step out of his clothes.  

It earned me an ass spanking I enjoyed. 

Cradling my head, he lay me on the bed gently and moved on top of me. 

For a moment, we just lay there kissing, our tongues dancing, our bodies pressing against one another. 

Finally his fingers found themselves to where I was wet and waiting. 

He gently stroked my folds, crooning into my ear in a low tone about how wet I was for him. 

I bucked my hips, eager to meet his dextrous digits. 

He slipped one finger in, curling at the top, making me gasp. 

Adding a second, he slowly pumped them in and out while the pad of his thumb met my throbbing bundle of nerves. 

"Yes Tom!" I moaned, rocking my hips to meet him. 

I was met with a kiss, drowning out my moans as it became heated, and just as I could feel the edge of a highly anticipated orgasm, he pulled his fingers from me, lifting them away. 

I pouted playfully making him chuckle. 

"All good things come to those who wait sweetheart," he murmured, gently biting a perky nipple. 

Now settling in between my thighs, he lowered himself, thick and ready, to my entrance and pushed himself inside. 

We both moaned at the contact and he slowly began to rock against me. 

His hips really did not lie. 

 

We rocked together, building up a sweat as our hands roamed the others body, touching gently, leaving the loving imprint of a kiss upon heated skin. 

I could feel it building within me again, and Tom could tell too when my breathing got quicker, and my moans became a little less audible. 

"Come for me darling. Show me how much you've missed me," he panted. 

He rocked harder that time, thrusting just a little bit deeper, sending me crashing over the edge of pure bliss. 

He was smiling as he watched me, and picked up the pace; I begged him to come with me, to fill me with his sweet nectar - to claim me once again. 

With just a few final, hard thrusts, he did just that, my name echoing through the apartment. 

 

For a while we laid there, trying to catch our breath, grinning like absolute loons. 

Hovering above me with his strong arms either side, he peppered my face with more kisses, telling me how much he loved me, making me giggle. 

Rolling to the side, Tom grabbed the bedsheets and pulled them up over us to shield us from the children of the night air on our overheated bodies. 

With my back against him, we lay spooned together, our arms outstretched before us, our hands entwined. 

I heard his thick swallow and wondered what he was thinking. 

The only light in the room was a small lamp over on the dresser at the other side, and it did very little other than allow shadows of our clasped hands to be she'd upon the wall before us. 

It was a beautiful silhouette I wished I could capture forever. 

 

Just as my eyelids began to flutter, he finally spoke. 

"Do you want to know why I got so angry with you?" 

I cleared my throat, unsure. 

"Do you want to tell me?" 

I felt him nod his head. "It's important," he added. 

"Then yes, tell me." 

He swallowed thickly once more. 

"It's love you, more than I love anything in this world. I never thought I could love again - or trust - and you proved me wrong. I was so in live with you, I... made plans. 

But I was also convinced something would go horribly wrong. How could I possibly be that happy? I didn't deserve it." 

He paused to take a breath and I quickly cut in. 

"Tom, I know it's sounds very cliché,  but you're an amazing person - of course you deserve to be happy. You pass on so much happiness, you deserve it back ten fold!" 

He didn't say anything, but I felt the smiling curve of his lips against my shoulder and his small kiss. 

"Well, somebody tapped into that. Over and over in my mind I tried to talk myself down, to realise what they were saying was complete rubbish. I think I always knew it. 

But they had hit that sore spot and opened that wound - it was like the glue that was holding me together was peeling off, and I couldn't stop picking at it. 

I exposed that wound, and I let it hurt me. 

And i'm sorry for that." 

I tried to protest he didn't need to be sorry, but he blew a gentle hush into my ear and I stayed silent. 

"That's why, if you'll let me, I want to spend every living moment showing you how much I love you. How much I need you, and cherish you. If i deserve anything, I believe it's to be loved by you, and to love you in return." 

His declaration caused my breath to hitch in my throat and tears to well within my eyes. 

"Darling, will you please make me the happiest man on gods green earth and be my wife?" 

I had no idea where he retrieved it from or when, but he was now holding out a small black box in front of me. 

I still struggled for breath, half a smile etched into my face as shock began to take over and he revealed what lay inside. 

Nestled between two velvet pillows sat a beautiful white gold band, which featured a trinity of divine diamonds, a prong-set round brilliant centre solitaire and flanked by two bar-set tapered baguette-cut diamonds. 

It was magnificent. 

I quickly shuffled round so I could look at him. 

He was biting his lower lip and staring at me intently. 

"Yes! Of course I'll marry you!" I exclaimed straight away, throwing my arms around him. 

Leaning back again, he sealed our engagement, placing the ring upon my finger and kissing me passionately. 

"I love you, future Mrs H." He whispered. 

"I love you more," I returned. 

"Not possible," he grinned, pulling me flush against him, gearing us up for round two. 


End file.
